You can't special order awesome
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
These tits shall not be calmed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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