I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
