If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
