i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
