I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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