I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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