my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The feeling are messing with the penis
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
