you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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