My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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