one two three fourrrrnication!
ugly people sure do ruin things
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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