if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
