I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
