He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
