I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
