I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
