I met the friendliest cop last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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