I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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