ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
