The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize