Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
