You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
