Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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