No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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