I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize