I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
