You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
