Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
