i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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