I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
