gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
