Banned from zoo.
Again?
you would pick up someone in the library
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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