One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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