Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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