i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
