I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
why does every cop we meet know your name?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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