You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
