Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
