well you can't waste a boner
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
