Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We're too hungover to prance.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
