did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
