I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
