i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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