I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
