My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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