Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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