It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We need to get me chipped asap
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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