dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
