thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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