I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
