no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
