So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
