He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
