can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize