My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Everclear isn't food dammit
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
