the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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