I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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