i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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