2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
