Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize