Your mouth is God's brothel.
from now on my penis is your penis
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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