We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They took my balls.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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