dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
