I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
3 2 1 whiskey
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
