As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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