if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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