I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
