GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
