I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
