Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
