You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
God gave him joint rollers for hands
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
