I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
