I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
