There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
