I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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