There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
