this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
