i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The Olympian is in my bed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
