You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
